Denial or Hope?

If its denial, it was a perfectly legitimate strategy - particularly with young kids in the house

During the whole two years before they told us she was terminal I never once acknowledged that Shanean may die.  Even when she was terminal, up until the last few days I never lost at least one flicker of hope.  I dont regret feeling this way and I am thankful that I did.

Keeping ones head in the sand means you can go to work, you can go out, you can live a reasonably normal life, not only for yourself, but for the kids.  The kids never thought she was going to die, so why should I? we had laughs, music, dancing cuddles right up until the end.  The alternative for me would have been curled up in bed freaking out (which did happen on the day they told us she was terminal)

I really think she appreciated it as well.  I would always tell her I hadnt given up on her - even when people were sending her how-to-deal-with-death books.  She knew she was going, but theres nothing wrong with wishing for some sort of miracle

There were risks to being like this of course.  Sometimes I would be at work instead of at home or at the hospital, I didnt encourage her to write letters or leave anything tangible for the kids to have when they were older, I didnt get to say all the things I should have.  But Im comfortable

We lived for the kids, keep them happy and normal.  If it meant pretending mummy wasnt going to die then so be it